


it's only natural, but why did it have to be me?

by dj jiggle juice (therestisconfetti)



Series: Bechloe Week 2018 [3]
Category: Pitch Perfect (Movies)
Genre: Angst...I'm sorry, Bechloe Week, Bechloe Week 2018, F/F, why
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-26
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-06-16 16:00:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15440601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/therestisconfetti/pseuds/dj%20jiggle%20juice
Summary: Both times, while Aubrey holds them, she hears it again and again.“Why? Why not me?”





	it's only natural, but why did it have to be me?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! We're back for more. If you're wondering where yesterday's work is, it's a [social media au](http://backtobasicbellas.tumblr.com/post/176280786473/bechloe-week-2018-day-3-drunk-texting-beca)!
> 
> Today's work is angst, I've warned you...
> 
> (also, the title is from "Why Did It Have to Be Me?" from the Mamma Mia soundtrack...because it's all I've been listening to since Friday.)

Chloe’s in love with Beca Mitchell.

She thinks she’s been in love the whole time, falling quickly and unexpectedly somewhere between that fateful day at the Activities Fair and the night Beca sends that dumb trophy flying through a window.

Chloe isn’t sure the exact moment it happens. Perhaps it’s not even one exact moment, maybe it’s all the little moments that lead up to the way her heart breaks when Beca walks away from them - from  _ her _ \- at the semis.

Beca’s grumpy and standoffish, but Chloe knows better now. She knows she loves music more than anything, that deep down she cares about people more than she lets on, that she tries so hard to suppress her smile when Chloe says something, but Chloe can see the way she rolls her eyes and twists her lips in a fond way.

Beca comes back to the Bellas - to  _ her _ \- and the way she looks at Chloe when they sing in that empty pool makes Chloe feel something she’s never quite felt with anyone before.

Chloe’s in love with Beca; Chloe is sure of it now.

And she’s going to tell Beca.

 

* * *

 

Beca’s in love with Chloe Beale.

She thinks she always has, but Beca never really knew it until recently. Chloe has always been  _ Chloe, _ and Chloe being  _ Chloe _ has always been different than Stacie being Stacie or Fat Amy being Fat Amy. But there was Jesse and then Worlds, but the longer she lives in New York with Chloe and Amy, the longer she shares a bed with Chloe, the longer she does things like grocery shopping and using Chloe as her emergency contact and coming home from work to Chloe, she starts to figure it out.

Chloe has always been  _ Chloe,  _ sure, but Beca knows that means something else.

It means something else when Chloe is her favorite good morning and final good night, or when Chloe stops by and drops lunch off at work because she knows Beca forgets sometimes, or how when Beca’s having a shitty day Chloe takes out two bottles of beers from the fridge and forces her to watch rom-coms on Netflix until they’re asleep against each other, legs tangled.

Really, it’s silly to think there would be anyone else.

And she thinks she’s going to tell Chloe.

 

* * *

 

Honestly, Chloe thinks Aubrey knows before she does.

Except Aubrey hates it because, well, it’s Beca Mitchell.

“I saw you last night,” Aubrey says as they prepare to leave their apartment for their first-ever rehearsal as co-captains. “With the ear monstrosities.”

Chloe shrugs. “She’s easy to fluster is all. Just some harmless flirting, Bree.”

Aubrey hums noncommitedly.

Chloe lets it go.

It’s a reoccuring conversation as the months go by, as Chloe finds out more about Beca even when Beca isn’t trying to let Chloe in. Somehow, Chloe finds her way into Beca Mitchell’s life outside of the Bellas. She hangs out in Beca’s dorm or with her in the quad in between classes, finding herself falling for that stupid smirk and quick wit.

“Where are you these days?” Aubrey asks one day when she comes home.

Chloe shrugs. “Beca and I were doing homework for a while. We hang out sometimes.”

Aubrey’s jaw slightly sets. Chloe notices.

“What?”

“Nothing,” Aubrey insists, looking back down at her planner laying in front of her.

Chloe doesn’t buy it. “Seriously, what? I know you don’t like her.”

Aubrey makes a face at that. “It’s not like I try to hide it,” she points out.

“Then what’s your deal?”

Chloe doesn’t want to have this conversation again - the one where Aubrey scoffs at her for having heart eyes for Beca when Aubrey hates every fiber of Beca Mitchell’s being - but she’s noticing that it’s coming up more and more lately.

Her best friend’s lips are thin and she looks at Chloe with a bit of concern.

“We’re graduating in the spring,” Aubrey reminds her, somewhat gentle in her delivery.

Chloe raises an eyebrow, not quite following her logic.

The blonde sighs, closing her planner as she further explains, “We’re leaving this place behind, Chloe. We’re leaving the Bellas…”

_ You’re leaving Beca, _ Aubrey doesn’t say.

She doesn’t need to because Chloe gets it, the realization washing over her face. She knows, deep down, that Aubrey’s right. The two of them will graduate in May, moving on from Barden and all the wonderful memories. Their newfound Bellas - Beca included - will stay behind.

Chloe doesn’t say that she thinks Beca might be worth it, that something effortless and natural as how quickly Chloe’s falling might be worth enduring.

“She’s my friend,” Chloe offers quietly.

Aubrey looks at her with love, that look Chloe gets when Aubrey’s concerned for her and her well-being. “I don’t want you to waste your time,” she says. “I don’t want to see you get hurt.”

“I won’t,” Chloe insists.

She can’t be sure, but she thinks there’s something there. It’s in the way Beca lets her listen to mixes and doesn’t get mad when Chloe slips on her special headphones and how Beca is rather smiley around her.

Aubrey sighs, picking up her planner and walking towards your bedroom.

“I hope you’re right,” Aubrey soft says over her shoulder.

 

* * *

 

Beca and Aubrey have never been the best of friends.

Yet there’s a respect there, a deeper level of understanding between them once they get past the childish games they used to play with each other way back when.

This is why Beca is sure Aubrey knows she’s finally figured out her feelings for Chloe, that Aubrey watches it happen so effortlessly and doesn’t push Beca into talking about it.

Aubrey visits them in New York often, with the Lodge expanding but the appeal of law calling, she’s busy applying to law schools and studying and handling meetings for her company.

It’s just so Aubrey Posen that Beca almost laughs.

Beca and Chloe often shower her around the city, and sometimes BFD gives her an in to the hottest clubs or the nicest restaurants, leaving Aubrey floored every time. Beca won’t admit it, but she likes impressing Aubrey, reminding her that she isn’t the same kid she was at 18.

But she knows it’s not the only thing Aubrey notices.

Sometimes she feels Aubrey’s not-so-subtle gaze when Beca casually takes Chloe’s hand or links arms with her as they walk the streets of New York. She sees the soft smile when she watches how naturally Chloe and Beca move around each other in their tiny apartment, how easily they’ve made a home in New York after Barden.

Beca sometimes shies away when she feels Aubrey’s gaze on them, not used to being watched in this habitat. But the feeling that Aubrey isn’t judging her, that she’s not jumping to conclusions as Beca tries to figure all of this out is comforting.

Somewhere in Europe - Beca really can’t keep up with what country or city they’re in with how fast this is all moving - she finds herself at a coffee shop with Aubrey, having wandered away from the rest of the girls with Emily, who has wandered off at the sight of postcards and insisting she should send one back home to her mother.

“So you and Theo…”

Aubrey’s voice startles her slightly, and Beca shifts her gaze from Emily outside to Aubrey looking at her with a teasing expression.

She scrunches up her nose as she replies, “He looks like a turtle.”

“A cute turtle?”

“A  _ weird _ turtle,” Beca quickly corrects, giving Aubrey a look for the playful grin on the blonde’s face.

Aubrey laughs softly at that, shaking her head. Beca only rolls her eyes before taking a sip of her coffee.

“So there’s nothing there, then?” Aubrey asks in confirmation.

Beca shakes her head. “Absolutely nothing. I’m offended you even asked.”

Aubrey hums at that and they both sit in a comfortable silence, sipping on coffee and keeping a vague eye on Emily outside.

“You haven’t dated in a while,” Aubrey points out after a few moments. “That’s all.”

Beca shrugs, still watching Emily as she fawns over postcards, three in her hand as she inspects each one carefully.

“Maybe I have everything I need,” she says without really thinking.

It processes a moment later, the way the first image that pops in her mind as she says it is Chloe looking at her like the way she always has, with bright eyes and a soft smile, one Beca only sees when Chloe looks at her and her specifically.

Her eyes shift to Aubrey to gauge a reaction, and she finds the blonde smiling softly at her. It’s almost like she knows exactly what Beca’s thinking, like she knows that it’s Chloe on her mind and no one else.

“Maybe you do,” Aubrey agrees quietly.

They exchange a look, and seemingly without words Beca confesses what she hasn’t quite said out loud yet. Aubrey’s smile widens just a bit, and there’s a twinkle in her eye.

“What?” Beca asks, trying to fight off her own smile.

“Nothing,” Aubrey hums, hiding her grin behind another sip of coffee.

 

* * *

 

Chloe knows she’s supposed to be - hopefully - graduating after the ICCAs.

(She may have slacked during Russian Lit just a little when they were called back into a competition.

Nothing to be worried about...

Yet.)

She knows that she’s supposed to move on from Barden, that she’s given this school and the Bellas everything she has for the past four years and it’ll have to settle for that.

But the way Beca looks at her before they take the stage at Lincoln Center - the way her eyes fall on Chloe for a moment longer than they did for everyone else - is enough for Chloe to throw caution to the wind.

She’s going to tell Beca Mitchell she loves her, win or lose.

Everyone begins to file out to their positions, but Beca hangs back and tugs Chloe by the wrist.

Chloe turns, trying to hide the smile threatening to break onto her lips. “Becs? What’s up?”

Beca’s been nervous all night - Chloe can tell by the way her eyes are a little wider than usual and she’s much chattier tonight as opposed to more quiet demeanor. She looks at Chloe now with wide cobalt eyes.

“I just wanted to…” she begins, but can’t quite find her words. 

Chloe holds her breath, she wonders if this is what she’s been waiting for, if Beca will surprise her and say everything Chloe’s been feeling over the past nine months.

“Thank you for not giving up on me.”

Chloe exhales. It’s not what she’s expecting, but she’s learned over the months that Beca has never been good at words or genuine moments like this. She smiles, looking at Beca adoringly.

She taps Beca’s wrist as she responds, “Thanks for coming back to me.”

Beca breaks into a grin then, wide and unashamed.

The brunette isn’t confessing her love to Chloe, not by any means, but the moment makes her heart swell anyway as they walk onto the stage together.

(Aubrey eyes them curiously.

Chloe only smiles.)

Beca looks at her one more time before they start; this time her eyes are sure and confident and she’s got that trademark half-smirk, half-smile on.

Chloe tries to catch her breath.

 

* * *

 

Beca’s hands are shaking.

Sure, she’s performed a thousand times before. She’s spent the past two weeks performing, for crying out loud.

But she’s never done it alone.

Even when she solos with the Bellas, she still has the  _ Bellas _ singing and dancing along with her, and having them has always been like having a support system she didn’t know she needed when she was on stage. 

But now Beca’s on live television debuting herself as a solo artist and all she’s got behind her is a band she met two hours ago and a mic stand along with her foot pedal for the backing vocals.

She focuses on boots as she walks, trying to steady her breaths. She’s never quite had stage fright like this before and she wouldn’t put it past herself to pull a pukegate like Aubrey way back when.

Her still shaking hands reach up for the mic, gripping tightly to remind her that this is real, that she’s here for a reason and it isn’t just some fluke.

Beca raises her gaze, holding in a quiet sigh of relief to find her Bellas in the front row - just like Theo promised - all looking at her with excited smiles and encouraging nods. She goes through the line, looking at them all one by one until her eyes fall on the last Bella.

Chloe.

Chloe is looking at her with impossibly bright eyes, a proud smile on her face.

For a moment, Chloe is the only thing Beca sees.

Something inside of her stills from the way Chloe looks at her, how she’s so full of affection and pride and Beca knows it’s for her and only her.

Beca has a growing feeling that Chloe might be in love with her, too.

(She doesn’t notice the way Aubrey notices the silent exchange.

Aubrey is smiling fondly at them both.)

She opens her mouth and begins to sing, Chloe’s unwavering support fueling her.

 

* * *

 

Chloe has never been more sure of anything in her life than she is right now.

One: That was the best performance of her entire life.

Two: She’s in love with Beca Mitchell.

The crowd is still going wild, the thunderous applause something Chloe’s not quite familiar with. She’s hugging girls left and right, not sure who is who but giving them all love just the same.

Chloe can’t remember a time she’s felt so alive and at home at the same time. She feels like this is probably the perfect way to go, to leave her Bella legacy behind. Her eyes are searching for Beca, but it’s hard to find her when there are nine other girls laughing and yelling and trying to take in the moment all at the same time.

They’re being ushered off the stage and Chloe finds Beca for a fleeting moment, but the brunette is practically sprinting out and Chloe doesn’t have a chance to stop her because Aubrey and Stacie flank her sides, still going on about their performance.

She tries to keep an eye on Beca, but it’s useless with all the other girls in front of her.

So Chloe setles and allows herself this moment with Stacie and Aubrey, deciding as soon as she sees Beca she’ll tell her.

It might be the adrenaline or it might be because Chloe is just that sure of it.

She doesn’t know which it is, but she doesn’t think it really matters when Beca makes her heart sing a song she doesn’t quite know yet.

 

* * *

 

Beca can’t help it; she brings the Bellas onstage.

She feels like this is their moment as much as it is hers, that she’d be nothing without them. Her family, the ones who lift her up and are always be her side - they deserve this, too.

So maybe emotions get the best of her and she tears up when she finishes, but it doesn’t even matter when it’s Chloe’s arms that find her right away.

The Bellas crowd around her and everyone is talking over each other and crying and laughing and Beca knows that in this moment, she’ll never be alone.

Chloe is practically sobbing but laughter still escapes her lips. Beca doesn’t think she’s ever seen a person pull it off so beautifully.

As they all walk backstage, still buzzing from what just happen, Beca’s immediately trying to find Chloe.

She sees her talking a mile a minute with Emily, and Beca doesn’t stop the dumb grin that appears on her face because the sight of Chloe just makes her feel whole every single time.

“Beca,” Theo says, lightly touching her arm. “Beca, come with me. We have to talk to media for a moment.”

Beca grows irritated, frowning. “But my friends,” she points, eyes hastily turning back to Chloe.

“They’ll be there when you’re finished,” Theo assures her. “Beca please, just a few minutes.”

Beca sighs, not quite sure how she feels about this side of being a solo artist - the media and interviews and pictures - but follows Theo anyway.

She takes one last look back at Chloe, her heart swelling at how alive and vibrant she is.

 

* * *

 

Aubrey’s giggles are infectious and Chloe can’t wipe the grin off her face because she hasn’t known anything like this, not with the old Bellas and certainly not this time last year. They trail behind the rest of the girls, the two captains soaking it all in and trying to keep the excitement to a minimum.

(Well, Aubrey tries.

Chloe doesn’t.)

Everyone’s beginning to file back into their seats and Chloe’s eyes fall to where she and Beca were sitting before their performance earlier, and she finds Beca standing there.

Chloe stops right outside of their row, Aubrey right behind her. She hears Aubrey say something, but doesn’t register it at all because everything is happening in slow motion in front of her.

She watches as Beca’s lips form into that knowing smirk she often wears, and instead of being directed at Chloe like it often is, the Treblemaker - Jesse - is the one receiving it. Beca leans over the back of the seat in front of her, murmuring something to Jesse before she’s wrapping an arm around the back of his neck so surely and confidently before pulling him in for a searing kiss which  _ everyone _ sees.

Chloe’s heart drops to the bottom of her stomach. A lump quickly forms in her throat.

She’s watching Beca kiss Jesse like this was her plan all along, that he was the finish line at the end of the year.

She watches Beca kiss Jesse and Chloe is starting to think everything she thought she had figured out about Beca Mitchell is all wrong.

Chloe wishes she could do something - run away or make a pointed comment at Beca,  _ anything _ \- but she stays firmly planted where she is, unable to tear her eyes away.

It’s barely a whisper, but the word escapes her lips.

“Why?”

 

* * *

 

Theo is barely finishing his sentence when Beca decides to walk away. He’s following her, but she doesn’t really care because she’s decide she can’t wait any longer.

Beca  _ has _ to tell Chloe.

She finds Aubrey just to the side of the steps and she’s about to ask where Chloe is when she turns her head and everything inside of her goes cold.

It’s odd how it plays in Beca’s mind. It’s like it happens slowly enough for it to burn in Beca’s memory, but quickly enough for Beca to be two steps behind.

Chloe tugs on Chicago’s tie with purpose, like she knows what she wants and she knows she’s going to get it - because if that isn’t the epitome of Chloe Beale, well then what is? Chicago is caught by surprise, but Beca’s stomach twists painfully because she somehow knows what’s coming next.

As Chicago leans forward from the tug, Chloe tilts her head at just the right angle before she captures Chicago’s lips against hers, kissing him hard and passionately. Beca’s heart thumps before her chest aches in a quiet way.

Somehow she feels like her world is crashing down on her.

It’s like she was running out of time and she didn’t even know it.

Chicago dips Chloe -  _ Beca’s _ Chloe - and she can see the way Chloe smiles at the action, still kissing Chicago.

It only makes Beca feel worse, like she’s lightheaded and might collapse at any moment,  _ wants _ this - she wants  _ him _ and not Beca.

Beca thinks she’s too late, that she’s gotten all the signs wrong.

Her voice is tired from singing and crying on stage, but she still manages to say it.

“Why?”

 

* * *

 

Aubrey hears it both times.

With Chloe, she feels protective, like Beca doesn’t deserve Chloe in any sense because she clearly can’t see what’s right in front of her.

With Beca, her heart breaks, the way Beca looks so terribly distraught and white because she’d finally put the pieces together and Chloe had decided to move on.

She hears it both times, and both times it hurts.

She’s watched them both grow together, the way they’ve fallen into something Aubrey thought was real.

Aubrey’s seen the way Beca has grown into herself - in large part because of Chloe by her side - and she’s seen the way Chloe is endlessly patient with Beca.

Everything seems so wrong.

 

* * *

 

Aubrey immediately takes Chloe to the bathroom, banking on the fact everyone was too focused on Beca and  _ Jesse _ that they don’t notice their escape.

She holds Chloe before wiping her tears and brushing hair away from her face.

She tells her that Beca doesn’t deserve her, that they’re graduating and that’s that. Maybe it isn’t meant to be.

Chloe believes her for now and plasters on a smile and powers through when they’re announced champions

 

* * *

 

Theo appears by Beca, and she watches the way Beca tries to keep her cool, tries to play it off as something normal.

Aubrey’s heart breaks.

As Beca walks away from Theo, she catches Aubrey’s eye.

Aubrey doesn’t say anything, but she doesn’t need to.

One look and Beca knows she understands.

The brunette tears her eyes away from Aubrey, quickening her pace to lose Theo and separate herself from everyone else.

Aubrey follows and Beca doesn’t put up a fight when she holds the tiny brunette in her arms, letting her sob into her shoulder.

 

* * *

 

Both times, while Aubrey holds them, she hears it again and again.

“Why? Why not me?”

**Author's Note:**

> Also, there's a work by tumblr user chloepearl which I found fits this fic particularly well! [check it out](http://chloepearl.tumblr.com/post/176300008947/bechloe-week-day-four-why)!


End file.
